Danny Whimpered
by LisaJ
Summary: A Fan Fic Writer trys her hand at Danny whumping.


Danny Whimpered  
  
Danny whimpered. His slight form trembled. "Puh puh puhlease don't hurt me," he sobbed. Tears spilled from his azure eyes, trickling down his smooth cheeks, forming a puddle on the floor.  
  
"Hey, wait just one minute," said Daniel indignantly.   
  
The fanfic writer jumped. "Aaagh, don't DO that," she screeched. "I'm trying to write a story here. The last thing I need is for one of the characters to interrupt the creative process," she bitched.  
  
"By the way, what the hell is about? Slight form, smooth cheeks, a PUDDLE of tears. Contrary to popular opinion I AM past the age of puberty you know," he continued, unconsciously performing "Daniel's Dance of Fury" as he castigated the fanfic writer.  
  
"Damn, he's cute," the writer thought.  
  
"And just how did I get into this mess to begin with?" Daniel demanded.  
  
"Oh you know, the usual. Jack told you to: not to wander off/don't touch the artifact/talk to the strange alien lady, or maybe it was an earthquake/surprise Jaffa attack/alien slavers, take your pick," the writer said shrugging. "It doesn't really matter, it's only a flimsy excuse for the meat of the story, some good old fashioned Daniel whumping," she continued, her eyes glowing (no not in a goa'uld way) with malice.  
  
"What is it with you fanfic writers? Why the obsession with having someone/thing knock the stuffing out of me?" Daniel asked. "And do you have to write me as a clumsy, uncoordinated goofball?"  
  
"I dunno, the fans love it," she answered, shrugging.   
  
"Another thing. Enough with 98 pound weakling crap. Haven't any of you fanfic writers taken a good look at me? Check out these muscles," he said, proudly flexing his biceps.   
  
He did have a point, the fanfic writer conceded. For some mysterious reason fic writers liked to describe Daniel as slight, fragile, frail, slender, etc. A lot of the time he was downright dainty.  
  
Now there was an idea. The writer joyously wrote: "Daniel tried to lift his head, however, the effort exhausted his frail, weak body. Moaning softly . . ."  
  
"Did it ever occur to you fanfic writers that anyone that wimpy, no anyone one tenth as wimpy as you routinely make me out to be wouldn't get NEAR a military base, much less be a part of a front-line military team?" Daniel asked.  
  
"Apparently not," the writer answered. "Now where was I. Oh yeah, time for the heroic rescue."  
  
"Awaken, O'Neill. We must now rescue DanielJackson from the clutches of the evil goa'uld/alien laboratory/collapsed tunnel/fierce beast or other plot device this scribe has invented," said Teal'c.   
  
"Wha? Oh yeah, right, time to rescue Danny from the yadda, yadda, yadda," Jack said, yawning.  
  
"We must make haste, I have not cradled DanielJackson in my mighty, yet gentle arms, as tenderly as I would my own child, for a good hour and a half now," the Jaffa intoned.   
  
"About that, Teal'c, do you really have to cradle me in your arms every time I get hurt? It's a little embarrassing. I am 36 years old, ya know," said Daniel.  
  
"So, you think being carried by Teal'c is bad?" the writer snarked. "Watch this."  
  
"Eeeek," screamed Daniel, emitting a girlish shriek and jumping into Jack's arms at the sight of a large bug. "Save me, J'ck, save me, I'm scared," he sobbed helplessly, head resting on the Colonel's shoulder.  
  
"You're afraid of BUGS now?" the Colonel sneered. "Isn't that a bit much, for crying out loud?"  
  
"Don't blame me, I'm not the one writing this stuff," Daniel snapped.  
  
Sam watched the nauseating scene. "Siler get the motorcycle, I'm going out for a drink," she said, disgusted. "You coming Janet?" she asked.  
  
"Damn straight, I don't think I can take anymore of this," Dr. Fraiser said.  
  
"Strap on the sidecar ladies, I'm joining you," General Hammond said.   
  
"As am I," Teal'c said. "I have endured many tortures during my long service to the false gods. However, even a noble Jaffa such as myself has his limits."  
  
The characters swiftly departed leaving the fic writer alone.   
  
"Where was I?" the writer mused. "Oh yes. Danny whimpered."  
  
The End 


End file.
